Episode 1: I HATED but LOVED math!

After thinking about it, I realized I really, really “hate” mathematics. In fact, right now, you can say that I hate it to the core. And yet, in the end I came to the point of becoming a representative of the mathematics olympiad. Many of you will probably be saying “Huh? If you hate math this much, why did you become a representative? and how could you endure attending the camps for so many years?” because I was attending them for the past 3 years and then finally becoming a representative in the fourth(4th) year. I’ll have to tell you now that, in the past, mathematics was my everything. If there was no mathematics, my life wouldn’t have been this successful.

Actually, I don’t really “hate” math that much now, I just feel that I cannot make any progress. Simply saying, I feel like I’m stuck, or even going backward (like a logarithm function). Perhaps it’s because I devoted my time to preparing for the scholarship examination lately, so much so that I have no time to practice my mathematical skills. So it’s natural that I cannot perform as well as when I was in my prime. Another reason, which is the most important, is because I stopped myself from learning something simply because I didn’t like or understand the definitions at first sight. I gave up reading the sheets, even when just reading a bit further will point me to examples to help me understand or further details, leaving me unable to study new techniques or topics especially college math. For I keep thinking “these topics won’t be appearing in the olympiad! Studying them right now is pointless.” I thought that I can study them later when I’m in university. This creates two huge disadvantages at the same time. One, I cannot understand the origin of some problems which was adapted or inspired from college-level math. This makes me feel awkward when I’m reading the solution, I feel like I understand, but not fully. Different from others who fully understand and are able to adapt it for other problems. Next, I am at a disadvantage compared to others who study in college because in the US, there are already college math courses for high school students, leaving me in an inferior position and at risk of failing to catch up if I can’t get rid of this bad habit. Because of these, I cannot say that I stopped liking mathematics, just that the wall, which was built from my lack of ability and efforts to understand, that prevents my love for mathematics at the moment.

But it is still not too late to change, both for me and my readers who may experienced this problem. Actually, I get rid of that ineffectual habit since I have been here at the land of opportunity, US.